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October 10 2017

useless-denmarkfacts:

ja, hr. samfundsfagslærer, selvfølgelig kender jeg alle partierne i folketinget, de hedder *ser på udtværet skrivning ved hånd* suck. dem., spansk folkedansparty, svensker, ensomhedslisten, liberablende ubalance, alternaive, radigale venner, socialrealistisk folkestemningsparti og den konserverede allergi

October 09 2017

systlin:

Okay okay this story is too good, I’ve gotta tell it myself.

This? Is Grigori Rasputin.

Image result for rasputin

He was born a peasant in Imperial Russia in 1869. We really don’t know much about his early life or his parents, because no one gave a shit about peasants in Siberia in 1869.

We do know that in 1886 he met and married a fellow peasant, a girl named Praskovya Dubrovina. They settled in Pokrovskoye. They had seven children, three of whom survived to adulthood. She remained devoted to him throughout his later deeds, infamy, and death.

This is where shit starts getting wild.

Sometime in 1897, Rasputin started getting seriously into religion, and left Pokrovskoye to go on pilgrimage. Why? We don’t really know. Some people claim he had a vision. Some claim he met a scholar and was impressed by their knowledge. Anyway, he traveled to the St. Nicholas Monastery at Verkhoturyem, where he remained for months, studying with an elder by the name of Makary. It is likely he learned to read and write here.

He eventually left the monastery, complaining that life there was too ‘coercive’ and that many of the monks engaged in ‘homosexual acts’, which TBH good on you, monks.

If you were wondering “So, what does one do after you leave a monastery after months of study, and have a young wife and some kids at home?”

If you answered “Denounce booze, become a vegetarian, grow some wild hair and become a wandering pilgrim, singing and praying fervently as you go” then congrats! You’re thinking like Rasputin!

Somehow, doing this attracted him a group of disciples. They got up to some pretty wild shit, and there have been rumors that they joined a sect known as the khlysty, who engaged in self flagellation and also sexual orgies.  

It should be mentioned here that he was, apparently, hung like a fucking horse and his penis, severed post mortem, is now pickled in a jar.

Image result for rasputin's dismembered member

Anyway, moving on.

Word of this weird holy man spread, and he gained a reputation as someone who could heal people of maladies and hysteria, possibly by having sex with every woman he could. He SOMEHOW managed to wrangle a letter of recommendation to a monastery in St. Petersburg, and upon arriving somehow impressed people so much that he was eventually introduced to Tsar Nicholas II.

It’s noted that he had great charisma and was very compelling. He also wasn’t stupid, and immediately buttered up to the royal family as much as possible.

Much of his influence over the royal family was due to the fact that he was the only one who could seem to successfully treat their son, Alexei. Alexei was hemophiliac, and suffered considerably. He was the only son, and the fate of the dynasty hung on him, and of course then he was fretted over.

Rasputin did seem to honestly be able to ease Alexei’s suffering and several times managed to save him when the court doctors had given the boy up for dead. How? We’ve got no idea. Magic, probably.

The problems here came because Rasputin’s dick was well known in St. Petersburg, and rumors began to fly that he was serving that sausage up to the Empress. She did keep him close and write uncommonly intimate and familiar letters to him, but we don’t honestly know for sure if the rumors were true.

Anyway. The late days of the Romanov dynasty were a hot mess of political, religious, and social turmoil anyway, and Rasputin was basically a match to tinder. He had too much influence, he was too strange.

The first assassination attempt came when a peasant woman attempted to stab him to death. He was injured, but recovered, and was unnerved by the attack. He began to drink again.

The assassination attempt (and attempt, and attempt, and attempt) that would go down in legend came when a group of nobles led by Prince Felix Yusupov decided at last that Rasputin had too much influence for a peasant and must be removed.

Rasputin had a sweet tooth. So, his assassins laced a tray of cakes with enough cyanide to kill an elephant, and dumped another few doses into the wine to be sure. Then they lured him to Yusupov’s home with the promise that he could have sex with Yusupov’s wife and left the cakes and wine on the table. Rasputin tucked in, eating enough poison to kill ten men.

And it didn’t do a goddamned thing.

Finally, in desperation, they shot him in the chest. Figuring that did it, they dressed one guy up in Rasputin’s hat and coat and drove him back to Rasputin’s place to make it look like Rasputin had left.

When they got back, though, Rasputin jumped up and attacked Yusupov, who fought him off. Chased by a man who should be twice dead, Yusupov fled into the courtyard. There Rasputin was shot a second time, and stopped. A third shot, and he collapsed. He was still trying to crawl, though, and they beat and kicked at him for a bit, wrapped him in a carpet and dumped him into the Nevka river.

The news of the murder got out almost immediately. When they finally fished the body out of the river and performed an autopsy, it was discovered that the cause of death had been drowning.

The poison hadn’t done it. Three bullets hadn’t done it. The beating hadn’t done it. The river finally had.

And that is why jokes about anesthetizing Rasputin by smashing him in the face are hilarious.

thepsychoticfuckingbiotic:

angryspacelesbian:

meeresbande:

If you want to make the world a better place for mentally ill and neurodivergent people, get into the habit of shutting down people who mock/laugh at/sneer at “odd” or “weird” but harmless behaviour. Just refuse to laugh with them and say “That’s not funny.” or “They’re not doing any harm.” Do this whether or not anyone who’s directly negatively affected hears it. This is both about protecting people from ableist verbal abuse, AND about teaching ableists that their attitudes are not being tolerated and that you’re not going to bond with them over ableism (or, hopefully, any other form of oppression).

good post

My fav is saying “I don’t get it” or “what’s the problem/joke?” and forcing people to admit that they’re just being assholes.

0327 846a

nadinefrazer:

the uncharted ladies (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

0328 2097

vastderp:

adorably-confused-fallen-angel:

sparklesmccheesy:

ittygittydiddynator:

iheichouguys:

lifehackable:

This is potentially life saving information everyone should know.

No you guys this post helped me find my cat. He was missing for almost a month and I’ve had him for over 12 years. After seeing this I put his favorite blanket he always slept on outside hoping he would smell mine or his scent and he was back the next fucking day asleep on it.

When my cat got out, we called and called for him, and then, later that night, I remembered similar advice to this, and so put his little scratching pad, which he adores, on the front porch. Not even half an hour later, I heard a thump, opened the door, and there was his big butt, meowing at me.

Important and vital

I don’t care that I reblogged this today I’m reblogging it again

awwwww babies ;_; i hope everyone’s pets come home safe.

0331 aa70 500

suchprettypride:

I think we should make Puritan naming customs cool again, but like, updated to reflect Millenial values. So we can have names like Resistance Jones, Self-Care Williams, and I-Am-Not-Throwing-Away-My-Shot Anderson.

celticpyro:

coolfriendlyguy:

to be honest this szechuan sauce ordeal is funnier than dashcon

Tumblr: Dashcon

Rich People: Fyre Festival

Intellectuals: Lost in the Sauce

useless-switzerlandfacts:

altonin:

the real regions of europe

  • crystal clear tapwater
  • everyone eats dinner at 10pm
  • slav squat
  • brexit

How Europe is classified by the United Nations

0335 9ccf

samrriegel:

Happy Birthday, Sam Riegel!

October 08 2017

4389 42d9 500

pettyartist:

I just have a LOT of feelings about Scanlan, ok???


(Listening to All Work No Play’s second ep is a RIDE after last episode.)


Uncut Full size version

secularbakedgoods:

underrated moment from last night’s Critical Role: everyone marveling at Scanlan’s incredibly low Wisdom score, Sam replying with “why do you think I make such bad decisions all the time?” and everyone yelling “WE THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST YOU.”

October 07 2017

9324 fd33 500

sarahsyna:

Wolfenstein, for those who don’t know, is a videogame series with soon to be eleven entries in the series, all of them entirely centred around killing Nazis ever since the very first game in 1981.

‘way to make it political’ buddy do you know what series this is

9325 33e7

rackhamrogue:

And you… You’re not going anywhere.

otsukiokami:

Yo can we talk about Percy for a second? 

Holy shit he was so FUCKING GOOD at clean up this game. Like I know he didn’t do his usual role of massive long range damage (even though he still got some fucking heavy hits in!!) but it was so important that he did the plays he did. Scanlan would have died to the skeletons and gloomstalkers if he didn’t down them. 

And!!! The plays Taliesin made were fucking amazing!!! Getting the grits, using them and timing them out perfectly, holy shit

yall I’m so proud of my emo son :“”’>

“Here’s the thing: I grew up in Kentucky. I sold insurance door-to-door. I sold ladies’ shoes. I worked at an all-night liquor store. I would buy suits that were too big and too long and cut the bottom of the pants off to make ties so I’d have a tie to go on job interviews. I grew up understanding what it was like to not have health insurance for eight years.”

 
“So this idea that I’m somehow the “Hollywood elite” and this guy who takes a shit in a gold toilet is somehow the man of the people is laughable.”
 
 
“People in Hollywood, for the most part, are people from the Midwest who moved to Hollywood to have a career. So this idea of ‘coastal elites’ living in a bubble is ridiculous. Who lives in a bigger bubble? He [Trump] lives in a gold tower and has twelve people in his company. He doesn’t run a corporation of hundreds of thousands of people he employs and takes care of. He ran a company of twelve people!”
 
 
“When you direct a film you have seven different unions all wanting different things, you have to find consensus with all of them, and you have to get them moving in the same direction. He’s never had to do any of that kind of stuff. I just look at it and I laugh when I see him say ‘Hollywood elite.’ Hollywood elite? I don’t have a star on Hollywood Boulevard, Donald Trump has a star on Hollywood Boulevard! Fuck you!”

— George Clooney (via wilwheaton)

October 06 2017

vantwinblade:

myth-carver:

seriously though what did we do to deserve Taliesin Jaffe, vampire prince of LA

Taliesin “10 cats in a trench coat” Jaffe.

4016 c4b5

dont-take-kevin-seriously:

parkaklimer:

i just spent half an hour digging in my blog to find these pics bc i gotta know who this is and what this series is

Chris Fleming’s series: “Gayle”

teammompike:

thank you vox machina

broexplosionmurder:

i cant believe scanlan shorthalt, the dude who thought he was “just a dude” and “out of his league” was Literally, Literally giving a God™ run for its money

and by “i cant believe” i mean i Totally believe it and always have because scanlan’s the Fucking greatest

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